Absentee Mommeeeee

I have been gone.  The hours at work have been really hectic.  So if I am here, I am not here.  Or at least not acting myself.  It has been difficult.  There is guilt, but then I wonder why I feel guilty.  And I feel guilty for that too.

I firmly believe that children are born into a family.  Just by the nature of being part of a family, they are not always going to be number one.  I work, and sometimes my job is more important than reading stories or taking baths.  It sounds callous to articulate it.  I can almost feel myself recoil when I read the words.  Sometimes my work is more important than my kids.  Sometimes, I get so into my work, that I would rather do that than hang out with my kids.  Sometimes, work gets me so stressed out that I don't want to be with my kids.

And I think that is okay.  I think it is important for them to see me doing something that I feel passionately about. I think it is important for them to see that I don't have it under control.  I think that it is important for them to see that I work really really hard at things.  Complete them.  Enjoy the victory.  And rest.  I really want them to understand that it is important to rest, because I don't think everyone does.

I am lucky enough to have a very supportive partner.  The first part of last week saw me working 12 hour days. Just by chance, it was a slow week for Mr. T.  He took the kids to school and picked them up.  He made dinner and cleaned up afterwards.  I felt guilty and kept thanking him.  He told me it was okay.  He wanted to help, and he wanted me to feel good.  Just by having him there and knowing that the kids were taken care of, and he wasn't stressed, helped me about 1 million times over.  I so easily could have been a basket case.

But instead, I walked into my presentation on Wednesday morning with all of my wits about me.  I did a great  job on the presentation.  The team and I received rave reviews.  I felt really proud.  All of that work had paid off.

And that afternoon, my kids still loved me.  We played and played.  He had dinner and acted goofy.  On Thursday, I explained to all the teachers that I have been busy and I needed more time to get acquainted with what was going on in the classroom.  On Friday, I rested.  I read, got a pedicure, shopped, and ate Korean.  It was a good day.  Followed by a good weekend with two little kids, who know I love them. And are part of my family.