things I say

Me to BabyP when he is peeing "could you hold your p#### please?  This is no time to go hands free.  Hold your p####, not your T#######, your P###.  Please. Please.  You are making a mess."

things I say

Please take the forks out of your socks.  There is no reason to ever have forks in your socks.

Awesome Mom Moment

There is an oak tree outside of Peanut's daycare. Most days we collect acorns before getting into the car. Yesterday, she took one with her into the back seat and bit into it as I was driving. I turned around and demanded that she spit every last bit of it out. I told her that acorns have poison in them (They contain trace amounts of arsenic).

She tells me "I like poison."
"No you don't. Poison is bad for you."
"I love poison."

Well, of course, I simply can't let her say this.
"You do not like poison. If you drink poison it will feel like there is fire in your mouth and belly. You will get really sick, and it will feel like someone is punching you in the stomach. If you eat poison, we will have to take you to the hospital, and they will make you eat charcoal which will make you throw up a bunch. Charcoal tastes really bad. You will be really sick, but the doctor's will have to do it so you don't die."

I felt pretty proud of myself for explaining the dangers.

Until she started sobbing

"I don't want to go to the hospital."
"Well don't eat poison. It is bad for you."

Then she went into full blown hysterics.
"I want to go to my house. I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't want to eat charcoal. I do not like it. I love my house. I want to go to my house."

Only then did it occur to me that she thought I was taking her directly to the hospital for eating the acorn. I tried to assure her the best I could, while finding a place to pull over (remember that I am driving), that she didn't eat enough poison. I got her calmed down and told her to remember poison is bad and not to eat it. I told her she would be okay. I told her Indians ate acorns, but they washed them and cooked them first which got rid of the poison. She finally believed me.

ugh...

Socks

"Please don't put my dirty socks in the bottle drawer."
"Please don't put my dirty socks in your bottle."

Things I never thought I would hear myself say

"We don't put our Popsicle on the floor next to the toilet"

Things I never thought I would hear myself say

"honey, we don't lick the play ground equipment"

"why are you chewing on your car seat?"

Things I never thought I would say

"We don't lick ketchup off of rocks, dear"

LIES!!

I tell peanut the "princesses" on her pull ups are all scientists. They work to help people and support their family.

I have also told her that all the candy at the checkout line is full of dirt. She no longer asks for it.