Child Care in the U.S. of A- home of family values

So I go to a sitter who has only keeps 3 kids. And... as I have mentioned she is pregnant. Well... today she announced (seriously she announced) that she couldn't take it anymore as was closing as soon as possible. That would be ASAP. So... where does that leave us... well... that would be SHIT OUT OF LUCK.

And she isn't a heartless bitch, she is sick. And I understand that working around poo and vomit when you are feeling ill probably isn't fun. She doesn't really need the money so working is just something she is doing to earn a little extra, but man... it sucks for those of us who didn't expect to leave until December. I mean really sucks.

Of course, no "good" place has any openings for in, say, a week (and believe me, i have been on all of their lists since about June of 2005). Especially a good place that is near us. So... there is this new place near my house that we might try. They are very new and have only 6 kids in the total school. They seem to be pretty on top of it though. They have computers for the older kids and are registered with DHS. The problem is their infants are right in the office area so I don't know that peanut will nap. And... I don't think they have a mobile baby there yet. They are about to get a trial by fire because peanut is on the go. There are two little steps that won't even phase peanut before she is up and out of the room exploring the mats under the doors and putting bits of plastic in her mouth.

sigh. This is the part that sucks. The part where you love your little human so much that her arrangements mean more to you than anything. My sitter keeps saying it is only two months, but it isn't her child. I know that she will be fine, but I want her to be fabulous, not just fine.

Evil Even Month

I have noticed a strange pattern with Peanut. Every even month, she has a hard time sleeping. The problem usually resolves itself by the start of the odd month. Peanut has been waking up at least once sometimes 4 times a night. It is a strain to say the least. Tough love isn't working. She can put herself to sleep, but I think she just wants her mama. Even daddy's cuddles sometimes aren't enough. It is sweet in a way because she falls asleep in my arms, sometimes, without even nursing, but it is difficult because I AM TIRED.

I feel like I have packed all I can into my life right now. I do have some time for a run or to do a couple of errands after work before I feed peanut, but after dinner, I am hitting the homework hard. Luckily, my class is pretty interesting and professor is one of the smartest professors I have ever had. He knows the history of everything. When you are teaching a reinforced concrete course and you know the history of everything, then you know some pretty obscure facts.

Peanut is growing at a fast clip. She has been fussy lately because she is cutting her eye teeth. Until now, she hasn't been too fussy with teething, but the eye teeth seem to be a whole new ballgame. I gave her some cereal tonight then I let her eat little bits of broccoli and squash with her fingers. Until now, I have been pureeing them, but I think I am only going to give her cereal off a spoon and let her eat the rest of the meal with her hands. I think she might eat more when she does it with her hands anyway. It frees me up a bit and she enjoys it more. It is a win-win situation.

Luckily, peanut wasn't too awful at the sitters yesterday. It was the first time she had been back in two weeks. I thought she might demand attention the whole time, but she seemed happy to play on the floor and torture the other baby.

I almost cried leaving her. I missed hanging out with my girl. My job is difficult to be at right now.

We found out that her teacher is pregnant. That assures that she is going to close at the end of the year. She has moved her closing date up to December, so we will only be with her for two more months.

I found a spot for peanut at the Pulaski Heights Baptist Church. I am a little worried about sending her to a religious institution. I don't mind the bible stories or the songs, but I get a little worried about what "morals" they might teach my child. It is a Southern Baptist Church, but I think they are pretty liberal. They have a woman preaching so they aren't taking part in the movement to ban women from preaching. Anyway, if this place doesn’t work out, I can always try for some other place.

Empty House

My mother-in-law and sister-in-law visited for about 9 days. It was really great to see them. We piddeled around Little Rock for a couple of days then headed north to Mtn. View. We went to the Ozark Folk Center then to the Blanchard Springs Caverns. At night in Mtn. View, they have music on the square. Nina and Alison were pretty impressed with all of the musicians. It is old timey blue grass music played in an old time backdrop. To round out the trip we baptized the baby and made a trip to Memphis. We visited Graceland and cruised through Beale Street and drove past the Lorraine Motel, where Martin Luther King, Jr. was murdered.

It is fun to show people around where you live. Little Rock may not be that cool of a place, but there are some nice neighborhoods and the Clinton Library is always a draw. Nina and Alison visited some houses with us that we were curious about buying. We found one that is a mansion, but we are going to wait a while before we put a bid in on it. It is a lot of house.


The best part of the visit was getting to see them interact with peanut. She pulled out all of her charms. She was smiling, laughing and talking. She even started cruising while they were here. I was glad they were able to witness the development of anther milestone.

It is hard living far away from them. I have never seen Mr. T. so sad. After we visit his family he usually gets a little introspective, but tonight was different. I imagine it is hard to be without your family, but especially hard when you want to share your daughter with them. We are very lucky to have such a great family, and I am very lucky to have married into one.

Baptism

Dear Peanut,
Your father and I baptized you over the weekend. It was a long thought out decision on my part, but I did it because I wanted to bring you into the family that I call my church.

I don't consider my self a particularly religous person. Your father is an atheist. I do attend church regularly because I do feel there is something greater then myself out there. It is Plato's "Allegory of the Cave", we are limited by our own senses. I also think that being a Christian is how we, in our culture, express our belief in the greater good. I think that culture has as much to do with someone's religion as what they beleive.

I baptized you because I want you always to remember that our traditions are Christian based. We will celebrate Easter, Christmas, and Halloween. We will attend Holy Week Services and open presents on Christmas. These are our traditions. However, we don't limit ourselves to our own traditions. We will celebrate Purim with Ms. Fasu and will always tell her Mazoltov when something good happens. As we grow up together, we meet new friends and will share their customs with them. This is how we experience the world.

As you grow older, you will want to learn more about other cultures and may even claim another or no relegion. That is fine because those choices are yours to make. However, I want you to always remember that there is a greater good that works within us. It is the good that makes us give to others and help those in need. It is the good that makes the grass soft on our toes and the flowers smell sweet. To me that good is God.

love,
your mum

DADDY

This morning Alison was calling for me “lala.” ( I wonder if she is trying to say laura). “LALA”

“hold on a second, baby. Daddy is coming to get you.”

“aaabbbeee” she said.

Then she said “DADDY”.

Seriously, she said DADDY. All percussive and everything. I don’t know if she knew what she was saying, but she sure as heck said it. Such a clever girl.

We are going to pick up Aunty Alison and Grandma Nina from the airport today. HURRAY. Mr. T. and I have been waiting eagerly for the last week for today to come.

I was on a treadmill...

when September 11th became 9/11. I was in Salt Lake City on a business trip. I was just finishing my first week there.

Nothing dramatic happened to me. I was watching TV wondering if this was some kind of joke when the second plane flew into the world trade center. I went back upstairs to call my fiancé, Mr. T. Did he know what was happening?

Do I remember correctly or did someone blame the protesters at the WTO meeting?

I went that weekend to meet my friend Dave for a mountain biking trip in Moab. Was it that dramatic? He was torn up. I don't remember if he cried. We were pretty drunk. We were right next to the Colorado River. I could smell the bathrooms in the tent. He was sleeping in his truck. We talked a lot. I knew why they hated us. He had no idea.

I had no trouble getting on the plane on 9/18.
And have never had any trouble since.

I sleep well at night. I love my husband and my family.

I had my first 9/11 dream the other night. My friend Jennifer and I were walking out of a building. Her daughter was walking right next to us. We walked out of building and just as we were leaving the protection of the awning a body fell and then another. We didn't know what to do.

I lost my brother to a fall from a tower. I miss him more then words can say. He has never met my daughter.

We have talked at length about war at church. We have talked about the killing of innocent people to prove a point. I never hated war before 9/11.

My biggest fear in the world is that Peanut won't know how much I love her. Her death is incomprehensible to me. My death seems more real. What if she grew up never knowing how I felt about her?

9/11 happened. I feel sad and mournful for my innocence. I want to read the papers again, but I hate to hear about someone’s child/brother dying so someone somewhere can prove a point.

9/11 doesn't affect me much… except that it made me question even more then I was before.

Love Letter to an 8 month Old

Dear Peanut,

Today as I was scurrying around getting ready for work, I set you on the floor of the dining room so you could crawl around while I got our bags ready to go. I was rushing around getting this and that when I glanced over at you pulling up on the chair. There isn't really anything remarkable about you pulling up anymore, but that fact that this tiny little human in red corduroy overalls is mine can sometimes take my breath away. You are like a dream. I looked at you this morning, and I realized that my mind's picture of having a baby was standing right before me.

You were scurrying around looking for ways to torture the dog because pulling books off the shelf is only fun for about 2 minutes. You were looking on top of the chair for a bag to pull down. You were chewing on the table leg. You were everywhere all at once, and I LOVE IT.

Your busyness can sometimes be overwhelming. It is amazing to me how you don't stop. You are going full throttle even when I am trying to give you a fresh diaper. As if it isn't enough that you are constantly on the go, you area also talking all the time. You have this shriek that you love to do, I think, because it elicits a hearty laughter from the adults around you. I try to answer you when you talk, like all the books say, but it is so hard when you are constantly talking.

You are getting to be a master at crawling; however, standing up is what you would rather do. It is amazing to me how fast you have learned to do things while standing. At first you thought you could just let go and manipulate things with your hands. You have since learned that you are not ready for that. Instead, you lean your belly into your play table and grab whatever it is that you need. You can also bend down and pick up toys off of the floor. If you need to get down, you slowly lower yourself to floor, but once your bum touches the ground you are off again in search of new adventures.

This month has been an amazing month with you. I knew you would learn to crawl this month, but the pulling up took us both by surprise. Now when you stand up you are starting to shuffle your feet forward. SLOW DOWN. This is all happening too fast.

Today we took you to the pool. I usually put you in a floaty and kick you around the lap pool, but today we went to the kid’s pool. You played with the fountains and crawled over the jets. It was so much fun to watch you explore this new water world. I laughed at your expressions, your reactions, and your sheer joy at discovery new things.

I have never met a person more joyful than you. You take shear delight in everything you do. I think that is a wonderful way to live. There are many profound lessons to be learned from you, but we can save that for another letter. I hope you are this joyful the rest of your life.

I love you,
your bababababab (mum)

PS - sorry about all the bruises on your head. When I said I would always be there for you, I wasn't being so literal.

The Eyes have it

Last Friday we went to the pediatric opthalmologist. We were concerned peanut had a lazy eye. In some of her pictures it looks like one eye doesn't focus like the others. The doctor looked at her and said she was just fine. They shined this light in her eyes and looked at the reflection. They then dilated her eyes and did it again. The doctor tried to explain to me what they were looking at, but I didn't really understand.

He also looked inside her pubil with this super bright light. It looked like something out of a science fiction magazine. His assistant brought him this case that looked like a weapons case. It contained a super bright light that attached to his forhead making him look like a miner or a mad scientist. He turned it on, and we tilted the baby back. We pinned her down while he pulled open her eyelids so he could stare deep into her soul....

and determined she is slightly far sighted, which will correct itself with time.

but no lazy eye. No patches. HURRAY.

Why our baby will be a drug addict

Again, peanut had ANOTHER ear infection. That is three in so many months. This time I didn't figure it was an ear infection, so I stayed home from work for 2 days. When she gets sick like that I end up giving her three different types of medication. Luckily, she has grown into a little girl who doesn't fight the medicine. She doesn't get anything sweet, so she may even see it as a treat. I messed up one day and double dosed her on the COUGH SYRUP. That is right, the prescription cough syrup got mixed up with the Motrin and I dosed her for the Motrin.

I am such a great mom.

Today, I couldn't figure out why peanut's antibiotic was almost gone, and I was only 5 days into a 10 day cycle. I looked at the label and saw that it was dosed for .5 teaspoons, and I had been giving her 1 teaspoon. All during my run this morning, I was trying to figure out how I could avoid calling the doctor and admitting that I overdosed the baby... AGAIN. I know overdosing antibiotics won't cause her any harm, but it isn't good. And it doesn't look good for a mom to keep calling the doctor, "aaaaahhh yay, see, i have been giving my baby double the dosage. I just wanted to see what would happen." But... my saving grace, was that the medicine that read .5 teaspoons was from last months ear infection. I found this months on the counter with the 1 teaspoon dosage. So maybe I am not so bad after all.

Anyway, I spent the whole morning feeling like an awful mom because yesterday all I wanted was to be away from peanut for a while and focus on myself. And then today, I think that I am O.D.ing my baby.

Mr. T. had a hard week as well. I was in meetings all Monday morning and when I got to my desk there was a frantic call from him stating that I needed to come home as soon as possible because he had locked Peanut and his keys in the car. I guess that morning something was wrong with the car and when he got out to look under the hood the door closed with his keys still in the ignition. The AC was turned off because he was trying to figure out what the noise was. Somehow, the doors locked and he couldn't get in to get his keys, cell phone, or BABY. He woke the neighbors up to use there phone. He eventually ended up calling 911 and the fire department came to open the car. Mr. T. said he was pretty close to throwing a brick through the window. Peanut was okay. It was the first day that it was below 85 in the morning so she didn't get too hot, just a little sweaty. Mr. T. said she was smiling and laughing the whole time. It was awful to hear him retell the story. I talked to him at noon, and he was still pretty shook up about it all.

This crawling and pulling up thing is really crazy. I am almost afraid to leave the room when she is in it. I am afraid she will fall or even worse, do something remarkable and I miss it. She has started taking the tentative steps towards cruising. I am setting up little baby obstacle courses in her room so she can move from one table to the next. We have been slowly baby proofing this old house. As you can see from the phone cord above, we still have some things left to do.

Happy 40th Birthday Mom

Happy 40th mom. You look so good, it is like you aren't even 40.

I know this isn't the best picture of you two together, but it is my favorite.