Love Letter to a 1 year old

Dear Peanut,

Today you turned 1 year old. When you were born, the nurses were amazed by you in the nursery. All of the other babies were crying, but you were just looking around. You were content.

That is how I would sum up this last year, content. You are a very happy child who constantly amazes me how well you adjust to various circumstances. People often ask me "Does that child ever not smile!". It makes my heart swell up with pride when people remark on how well you behave or how big your smile is. You have flown on 3 different trips and been on 1 incredibly long car ride but through them all, you were very content to smile at me and suck on your pacifier.

You are my little girl. You cling to me like glue. I know I should complain about it and try to force on you some sort of independence, but I can't and won't. I love that you want to cuddle up with me and that you want me to stay and hang out with you in the morning. I don't even mind waking up and nursing you at night because I know that these times are short lived. I take every chance I can to breath in you hair and chew on your fingers (which are constantly being pushed into my mouth).

Not only have you been content but so have I. I feel like I owe it to you to relax when I am around you. When I am feeling rushed, I can feel your little body tense up. For the few short hours from when I pick you up at daycare to when you go to bed, I need to be focused on you. Not so much for you, but for myself.

It is amazing to me to see you toddling around. Part of me wants to gush with pride but the other part wants to hid in a closet because I am so scared. I have to watch you like a hawk because you are quick and curious. One of my biggest fears is that something will happen to you on my watch and I will have to live with the fact that my carelessness took away the thing that I hold dearest to my heart.

Just like your smile, I love your curiosity. You find join in the simplest of things. You point to everything and ask "zzat?" You are into everything trying to figure out how it works and how to put things back together. Along with that curiosity you are messy. I never knew anyone who took getting into everything so literal. Be it a box or a puddle you are right there on it.

So my birthday wish to you, my dear peanut, is that you never lose that curiosity or your sense of peace. I hope you always have a big smile on your face and dirt on your knees. I love you with every ounce of my being.

many kisses full of blueberries and clementines,
your mum